


And My Debt to Him is Lifetime

by july_v



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: AU setting, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-15 09:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/july_v/pseuds/july_v
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex is six when he meets Sasha, who is different, but quickly becomes his closest friend. The time that follows defines Alex and when Sasha suddenly disappears, it's a little as if Alex loses his footing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And My Debt to Him is Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shadowandrhyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowandrhyme/gifts).



> (Mostly unimportant) extra information:  
> \- I imagine this to be set in the past, aka back when electricity was rare, and science also wasn't such a huge deal, so people still mostly relied on superstitions... and candles  
> \- there will be blood, literally. Boys cutting their hands on purpose, for stupid reasons boys do these things.  
> \- the last part can be read as slash or gen  
> \- the title is a slightly changed line from 36 Crazyfists's 'Song for the Fisherman'
> 
> I dedicate this to [Kat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowandrhyme/profile), who's the Alex to my Sasha and my own best friend<3  
> And the biggest thanks to [Kellie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishdoll/profile), who betaed this for me. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

The first time Alex meets Sasha he is a little confused. Alex is sitting on the front steps, waiting for Sergei, and watches a scuffle on the other side of the road. Two older boys a little girl are talking to another boy, who looks to be about Alex’s age. At first he doesn’t understand what they’re saying, because they’re too far away to hear, but it gets loud fast, even though Alex still has trouble following their conversation. He’s only half paying attention anyway. Sergei promised to show him a secret and Alex went outside _at least_ half an hour early because his mother got annoyed when he wouldn’t keep still.

The other kids are yelling something about red hair and freckles and the devil. It’s all really confusing. Alex doesn’t see anyone with red hair. Or freckles. He can’t remember _ever_ meeting anyone with red hair, either. It’s really weird, but it’s a good way to keep himself distracted while he waits. He is pretty sure Sergei is _late_ and Alex will have to scold him for that.

What surprises Alex is that the boy they’re yelling at –he knows the boy lives next door but they have never talked- is so calm. Alex wouldn’t let anyone yell at him like that. Sergei showed him the best place to kick someone in the shin, so it hurts the most and Alex would definitely kick anyone who yelled at him. But the boy is all quiet. That is until the girl takes a step closer to push him and he gets a hand on one of her braids and tugs and then shoves her away so she is stumbling into the two boys behind her.

Alex never sees how it ends, because Sergei is there to pick him up and show him _the secret_ and that pretty much takes up all of Alex’s attention. Sergei lets him ride on the bicycle rack all the way to the forest while Alex holds tightly onto his waist. They spend the rest of the day there, with Sergei showing him the little cave his friends have discovered weeks ago and Alex forgets all about the scene he’d witnessed earlier.

\---

A few days later he’s in the garden behind the house when he sees the boy again. His mother has sentenced him to weed the garden because he ate half of the piroshky she made for the guests she was expecting that afternoon. He is sulking, because really, is it any of his fault that they taste so good? He doesn’t think so.

Working is infinitely harder with a full belly, so it’s all slow-going and he keeps taking breaks and looking around. That’s when he spots the boy through a hole in the hedge between their gardens. Alex watches for a while and it looks like the boy has to do garden work for his mother as well.

“Hey,” Alex says, poking his head through the hole in the hedge.

The boy turns around slowly, a thoughtful expression on his face and a bunch of weeds in one hand. He doesn’t say anything.

“I’m Sanja,” Alex introduces himself and tries to stick a hand through the hedge for the other to shake.

“I saw you a while ago,” the boy says and Alex can barely hear him. They aren’t far apart, but the boy is speaking quietly and Alex frowns.

“I saw you too! With those other kids!” He had almost forgotten about that. “That was a good push!”

The boy steps a little closer and turns to face him. He’s got a bruise under his eye and several on his arms and legs. Alex hadn’t seen those before.

“Did they do that to you?” Alex pushes a little at the hedge to make the hole bigger so he might fit through it. It’s really weird to talk to someone like that.

He gets a slow nod in response and then the boy turns away again to put his weeds in a bowl that’s standing in the grass a few feet away. Alex watches him and waits, but the boy doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t even look at Alex as he goes back to picking weeds.

“Why do you have to pick weeds?” he asks loudly when he gets bored. The boy isn’t supposed to ignore him like that. It’s impolite.

“They’re not weeds!” the boy responds as if Alex personally offended him. Alex thinks back to the heap of green stuff he has gathered in a basket in his own garden and can’t really see a difference.

“What are they?” The hedge is really annoying, because the hole isn’t big enough for Alex to climb through and take a closer look at the not-weeds in the boy’s bowl.

“They are herbs,” the boy responds with a glare. “And you have to stop! If you break off any twigs I will kick you!” He points a finger at Alex, who’s now trying to stick a leg through the hedge to climb into the other garden.

Alex retreats quickly. The boy is no fun and Alex has weeds to pick. He is pretty sure it’s weeds he’s plucking from the ground between his mother’s currant bushes, anyway.

\---

When Alex is in the garden again the next day, the hole in the hedge is gone, like it has never been there in the first place, even though Alex still has scrapes on his arms and leg to prove his attempt at climbing through it.

\---

A week after that his mother sends him over to bring their neighbors a basket with eggs. A woman opens the door and smiles at him, then leads him into a kitchen that mostly looks like his mother’s. Except that there are bundles of dried herbs hanging along the walls and the bench in the corner has different cushions on it. Alex feels really comfortable.

“You have to wait a moment. I still have to fetch the marmalade and herbs for your mother,” the woman tells him while she puts away the eggs in the pantry. Alex doesn’t mind waiting and sits down on the bench. There’s a plate with cookies at the other end of the table and Alex really wants to ask if he can have one, but even he knows that’s probably rude.

As if she is sensing his thoughts the women pushes the plate towards him with a smile. “You can have as many as you want, but only if you don’t tell your mother,” she says with a wink and Alex just grins at her as he reaches for a cookie.

She laughs when he grins and he knows it’s because of the gap in his front teeth. He really doesn't mind and he agrees anyway, the gap is funny. It was his last milk tooth and he keeps that one in a little box in the back of his closet.

“I’ll just go and get the things for your mother,” she says and Alex nods in reply. Her son comes in while she is gone and climbs onto one of the chairs at the opposite end of the table. He has dirt on his hands and green stains, probably from garden work again. The bruise under his eyes has turned yellow-green, as have the ones on his arms and Alex wants to reach out and press his finger against them.

“Did you collect weeds again?” Alex asks, still with a bite of cookie in his mouth. It does amazing things to the other boy’s expression. It’s a mix of grossed-out and annoyed.

“They’re herbs,” he says with a glare. “They’re useful so they’re not weeds.”

Alex nods along and licks the crumbs of his fingers. “What’s your name?” He really doesn’t care about herbs and weeds.

“Sasha,” the boy says and that’s valuable information. Unless he knows herbs against chores or something. Anyway, Alex thinks it’s cool that they have the same name. It basically means they should be friends.

It’s a while before that happens and first Alex has to bring a basket with marmalade and herbs back home, but he’s feeling pretty positive about it all.

\---

Things get really intense really fast. It’s Alex’s last summer before he starts school and he’s excited, but he knows from Sergei that school isn’t as amazing as he wants it to be. So Alex promises himself to make the most of his summer before the real life starts.

Sasha is there every step of the way, for every part of Alex’s plan to make it the best summer in the history of mankind.

Together they build a dam in the little river in the forest and it turns out much better than Alex expected. They find all sorts of perfect rocks and sticks for it and Alex smiles proudly at Sasha when they finish it. By the time they’re done it’s already getting dark and both of them are covered head to toe in mud and dirt, but it’s perfect.

A week later they build themselves a fort in the thicket growing between birch trees, far off the road that leads through the forest. Alex ends up with a tear in his shirt and scratches all over his arms and legs from the thorny branches that are covering the ground. Sasha sits him down on a rock to inspect the cuts and Alex grins down at him, gap still between his front teeth. “You could kiss it better,” he says as a joke. He should know, even then, that Sasha never reacts like anyone else would, but when Alex wakes up the next morning most of the cuts are almost completely healed.

After three weeks they pass by their dam again and it’s still there, standing strong against the flow of the water.

They spend almost all their time together over the summer. Alex will go over in the morning after breakfast to pick up Sasha and will return him home not long before the sun finally sets. They’re both only six, but Alex is a big boy and he can stay out late if he wants to. Besides they always show up at home for lunch or an afternoon snack, since being an explorer is exhausting.

On those occasions, when they don’t bother going home they will take a nap somewhere in the sun or in the shade beneath a tree and it’s great. Up until he met Sasha Alex has always wanted to spend all his time with Sergei, because his older brother is awesome, but so is Sasha and Sergei doesn’t want his kid brother around most of the time anyway.

At some point Alex learns to always carry a bag with him. He has never noticed before, but there are useful herbs everywhere they go, as Sasha likes to remind him. He tells Alex all about their uses, even if Alex can’t make himself remember most of them. He does start to recognize them after a while, even without Sasha pointing them out to him. They collect some of them every day and Sasha brings them home to his mother, who’s always really thankful for them.

\---

It’s the last day before school starts for them both. They’re sitting on a log where the fields meet the forest and Sasha is smiling at him. When the sun sits just right in the sky Sasha’s hair looks red and Alex remembers the fight he’d witnessed, when the kids had yelled about red hair and freckles and the devil.

Alex reaches out and pets it, earning himself a wary look from Sasha. “I can’t decide if your hair is brown or red,” he says, wrapping one of the strands around his fingers.

“Is that a problem?” Sasha asks, his brown eyes narrowing.

Alex lets go of Sasha’s hair and shrugs. “I want to know. Sometimes it looks red but sometimes not.” He pushes up onto his knees and leans closer so he can look at it directly. “Maybe you change color?” he suggests chuckling.

Sasha shoves him viciously in the chest, so hard that Alex falls over backwards and lands on the ground behind the log. He’s so startled it takes him a minute to gather himself and by the time he’s standing upright again Sasha is gone.

The walk back home seems endless without Sasha and Alex keeps reaching up to the back of his head. His fingers come back bloody. There’s a wound there from where he hit his head on a rock on the forest floor. Alex is so confused he barely registers the pain.

\--- 

It’s dark when he finally gets back and he feels exhausted beyond belief. The cut on his head has stopped bleeding, but there’s still a dull ache and he has no idea how to explain it to his mother. She’ll be upset and he will lie to her, because he doesn’t want to get Sasha in trouble, no matter how confused he is by his friend’s behavior.

He walks up to Sasha’s house and knocks. He’ll just ask if Sasha made it home and then he’ll go home as well, so his mother won’t worry too much. He really hopes she won’t be too mad.

“Sanja?” Sasha’s mother asks, surprised when she opens the door. “Are you here to see Sashka?”

“Is he back?” Alex swallows and tries to peek around her legs. He really likes Marya. She is tall and she does have red hair, all the time, unlike Sasha. Her eyes are the same brown as Sasha’s and she makes the best marmalade, which Alex’s mother always trades for eggs although Alex can eat with Marya and Sasha whenever he wants.

She looks at him, a little worried but Alex hardly notices. “He came home hours ago,” she says, with her voice that’s always so soft, like her hands. She has really soft hands and Alex finds it strange, because she is the same age as his mother and always working in the garden, but there are no calluses on her palms.

“Good,” Alex says quietly. “I have to go home… I think mama is worried.” He rubs at his cheek where he has a smudge of dirt from falling off the log.

“Sanja?” Sasha asks hesitantly from behind his mother and Alex can’t see him but he hears the fall of his steps as the other comes closer.

“I will tell your mother you’re home safe,” Marya says. She steps out of the way and walks barefoot over to Alex’s home, presumably to tell his mother not to worry.

Alex looks at Sasha from a few feet away. He feels a little angry and a little confused, still, but Sasha doesn’t look like he feels much better.

“I’m sorry, Sanja,” Sasha says quietly. He always speaks so quietly that Alex has to lean closer to hear him, the exact opposite of Alex himself, who constantly gets shushed. Over time Alex has learned that the softness of Sasha’s tone doesn’t mean his words are any less honest or serious.

He wants to ask why Sasha pushed him, but Alex doesn’t know how. Instead he looks at Sasha and waits. And waits.

“I got scared,” Sasha explains and takes a few steps closer. “You’re my best friend,” he adds, tugging idly at Alex’s wrist.

“You don’t push your best friend,” Alex points out.

“But you were making fun of me!” Sasha protests, barely speaking louder than before, no matter how obviously angry he is.

Alex makes a face and shakes his head. “I didn’t make fun of you. You’re my best friend too, Sasha.”

Sasha smiles a little, then, and hugs Alex tightly. Usually it’s Alex who hugs him or grabs his hand. Alex doesn’t mind so much.

\--- 

School is not what Alex expected. For one he ends up mostly getting ignored by the other kids in class. He shrugs it off, since he gets to sit with Sasha and spend the breaks with him. In PE he’s one of the best and always one of the first to get picked, but it makes him unhappy to see that Sasha’s always the last to be picked for a team. Sasha’s really good at sports, too.

They learn to write together and it’s great. The first thing they learn is to spell their names, which is awesome because they have the same name, so they can help each other. They have the same way home and Alex is proud when Sergei comes to pick them up every day after school. Sergei’s a big boy already and he’s cool.

\--- 

The years pass by and nothing really changes. Alex and Sasha get in trouble together and never spend much time apart. Almost every week Alex is sent to the principal’s office because he hit yet another kid and Sasha is always there waiting outside the office. Alex would feel bad about it or hate the ache in his knuckles, but he only ever fights to defend Sasha. Even now he doesn’t understand why the other kids always pick on Sasha.

Marya and Sasha teach Alex about herbs, their uses and where they grow and the best time to collect them. In return Alex shows Sasha how to fix the roof or clean out the chimney, all things Alex has learned from his father. He never asks about Sasha’s father.

\--- 

Alex is ten when he reads Sergei’s book about Norse gods and the term ‘blood brother’ gets stuck in his head. He asks his brother what it means and Sergei explains it to him as well as he can. The idea is great. Alex loves Sergei, who’s always there for him and looks after him. And then there’s Sasha and he’s the same as Sergei, but they aren’t brothers, which, in Alex’s eyes, isn’t the way it should be.

One afternoon they’re sitting at the table in Marya’s kitchen eating cookies, when Alex tells Sasha about it. For a moment Alex thinks Sasha is going to laugh at him, because he just studies him closely for a minute and doesn’t say anything.

“I know how it works,” Sasha says at last and grabs two more cookies from the table. He pushes one into his mouth, whole, and then sets about going through drawers while attempting to chew it down like that. Alex has to grin because it’s gross and Sasha is getting crumbs all over the shirt he is wearing.

It startles Alex when Sasha pulls a knife from one of the drawers and puts it on the table in front of Alex. “You can’t be a coward if you want to do that,” he says in reply to the surprised look on Alex’s face. Alex isn’t a coward and Sasha of all people should know that.

“I’m not,” Alex says defiantly and takes the knife, fully intent on proving Sasha that he is not a coward. The blade is already touching the inside of his palm when Sasha takes the knife away from him.

“Not here, stupid,” Sasha says and takes the knife and Alex into the garden. He tells Alex to sit on the grass beneath the hazelnut tree that’s all the way at the back of the garden, where no one can see them from the house and then he’s off again.

Alex really likes it there, it’s their secret place and they have a little metal box buried under the tree already. The box contains all sorts of little things; a piece of paper with their names on it from the first time they both managed to spell their names correctly. Sasha had gone first, writing down Alexander carefully and Alex had just copied it, his own letters so much messier than Sasha’s. Alex’s last milk tooth, since the box is full of treasures. Sasha added twigs of herbs, saying they are there for protection.

It takes Sasha a few minutes to return. He brings back a clean cloth, a small shovel and, Alex is no longer surprised, a handful of herbs from the small shed in the garden.

“It’s important that we do this right,” he explains to Alex. Whenever he tells Alex about herbs he sounds almost exactly like his mother. “It doesn’t work if we don’t,” he adds, spreading the things out in front of them. “You have to dig a hole,” Sasha explains and hands Alex the shovel before pointing out a spot.

Alex doesn’t ask why or anything. Sasha said he knows what they have to do and Alex trusts him. He digs a little hole and then watches Sasha drop some of the herbs into it. A lot of the things Sasha does are weird and would go a lot faster, if it weren’t for Sasha’s weird way of doing them, but Alex never tells him to hurry. Sasha gets cranky when he’s being rushed.

“Ready,” Sasha says at last and peeks into the hole. He plucks a hair from Alex’s head without a warning and drops that on top of the herbs, then does the same with one of his own while Alex rubs at his head. “Now we are ready.”

Alex grabs the knife and looks at it for a moment. It’s really sharp and his heartbeat stutters a little at the thought of cutting his skin. He’s about to make the cut when Sasha grabs his wrist. “No, you have to cut my hand,” he explains, sounding almost a little annoyed. He holds out his hand, palm up, for Alex to cut. It makes Alex’s heart stop for a moment. “Don’t be a coward,” Sasha says again.

Alex narrows his eyes at him and still hesitates before he places a shallow cut on the heel of Sasha’s hand.

“That’s not a good cut,” Sasha scolds him and grabs the knife from Alex. The cut on his hand isn’t bleeding much but the wooden hilt of the knife still gets smeared in red when he takes it, holding it securely as if the rough wood doesn’t hurt against the wound. Alex doesn’t expect the pain when Sasha takes hold of his wrist again and turns his hand over with quick, efficient movements.

His stomach drops when he sees the well of blood, even before the pain really registers in his head. He bites down hard on his bottom lip to hold back a whimper. “Sasha,” he says and it sounds almost betrayed.

“That’s how you do it.” Sasha holds out the knife, hilt first so Alex can take it back. Alex’s fingers are shaking a little when they close around the hilt and Sasha shakes his head. “Use your right hand,” he demands and then holds out his own palm again. “You need to cut deeper.”

Alex takes a slow, shaky breath. The knife slips a little in his hold, slick with blood as he moves to do as Sasha asked him. He almost drops the knife until Sasha puts his left hand over Alex’s right to guide it. A sick feeling is pooling in the pit of Alex’s belly when he feels the knife slide through Sasha’s skin, even though Sasha only hisses a little at the pain.

This time Sasha seems satisfied with the cut. He makes Alex drop the knife and presses their palms together tightly, looking Alex right in the eyes. “I swear that I will always look after you, brother,” Sasha says, his voice firm but as quiet as ever. “I will make sure no one hurts you and be there when you need me and…” he pauses, obviously thinking over what to say next. “And I will always be there for you.” He gives Alex’s hand a squeeze and looks at him expectantly.

Alex’s mouth is dry and he feels dizzy, barely able to think. “Uh…” he stammers out. “I promise that too. And that I will protect you and that I will never leave you, brother.”

Sasha smiles at him, even though Alex feels like he didn’t do a good job with his promises. He means them wholeheartedly, though, and Sasha seems to know that.

Before he wraps their hands in the cloth, Sasha holds them over the little hole Alex dug for them and watches the red droplets land on the mix of herbs and hair. Alex heart is hammering in his chest and he can’t look away from Sasha.

\--- 

After that Alex spends more time at the principal’s office than ever before. He punches a boy for insulting Sasha and the boy loses a tooth. In theory Sasha can defend himself, but he never does, just squares his shoulders a little and walks away. But Alex can’t be as laid back about it.

One time Alex is the one who gets punched in the face, by the big brother of a girl Alex had shoved away from Sasha the day before. The punch isn’t too bad, Alex thinks, despite the cut it causes in his lip, it’s not even bad enough to miss classes for it. Four days later the boy breaks a leg and the cause is a mystery. He swears that he slipped on ice but it’s summer, not the hottest weather by a long shot, but too hot for ice. The streets are littered with small puddles from a storm the night before, brown and muddy but far from being frozen over.

Alex tells Marya about it in the evening during dinner. He spends almost as much time with her and Sasha as he does with his own family and spends half his nights sleeping over. When he mentions the ice her eyes flicker over to Sasha, but she doesn’t say anything. Alex figures she doesn’t approve of them always getting into fights because of each other.

And neither her, nor Alex’s mother had been happy to find that their sons had cut each other’s hands, but with Marya’s skills at tending to wounds nothing but two pale scars remained. Alex likes the scars, now that the sick feeling has disappeared.

There is ice on the streets when the Dotsenko shed catches fire. The flames seem impossible to put out, even though almost the whole village helps to bring buckets of water. Sasha is always by Alex’s side as they hurry from the river to the shed with heavy, dripping buckets in both hands. Semyon Dotsenko hisses at them as they pass him and Alex does his best to ignore him. He’s gotten into more fights with that guy than he has with anyone else. Semyon just doesn’t like Sasha and a few days ago it all escalated into a fight where Alex lost a tooth and Semyon broke a wrist.

The reason for the fire is a mystery for the longest time, until the village mayor explains that it was a vagabond who was seeking shelter and probably left a candle unattended. Gypsies have been a problem for a long time. It makes sense and no one openly questions it.

\--- 

The last time Alex sees Sasha is when he’s slamming the door shut in the face of the village’s miller. Alex has to be held back by his father and Sergei before he barrels out of the door to yell at the mob that has gathered outside Sasha’s and Marya’s house.

It’s been going on for days, ever since Marya helped their old teacher with a bad wound he’d incurred when falling off the ladder while fixing his roof. The physician in the village had declared him a lost cause a few days before, the wounds too severe to be mended, according to him. Alex knew Marya though and he knew her skills, how she could use the herbs Sasha and Alex gathered for her to help people. So the family had come to Marya for help. The other people in the village always accepted Marya’s help, but they still treated her like a stranger, like she hasn’t been healing more people than their physician.

Since they moved into the house by the forest Sasha and Marya have always been antagonized in the village and even after twelve years Alex doesn’t understand why. He tried asking Sasha about it exactly once, but the reaction had told him never to try again, so he hadn’t. He loves Sasha the way he is and he loves Marya, too.

\--- 

It’s ten years before Alex sees him again.

\--- 

A lot changes over time. People leave, moving away or dying, while others take their place. Sergei leaves for Moscow where he finds a job while Alex finds himself unable to let go of the place.

For the longest time no one goes near the house next door. Word spreads that it’s haunted, that Marya conspired with the devil and Alex laughs at their bullshit. Sometimes at night he crawls through the hedge -no longer as green as it used to be when Marya tended to the garden- and sits on the grass beneath the hazelnut tree.

It always draws him back there, sometimes with a bottle of vodka, of which he will pour a few sips onto the grass where he thinks they buried their treasure. He always feels simultaneously more settled and more nauseous there, his shaved head tipped back against the bark of the tree. Other times he’ll bring herbs he gathered and recite their uses, just the way Sasha had taught him when they were kids.

\--- 

The day Sasha comes back, almost exactly ten years after he left, Alex is at work. At seventeen, after he finished school and Sergei left for Moscow, he had started helping his father full time with the construction and repair works around the village. Alex is up on a roof, fixing a hole that was caused by a storm, when the gathering of people down the road catches his eye.

Normally Alex would ignore it, focus on his work, but something tells him he should go and take a look. He calls a half-hearted apology to his father and runs off down the road to see what is going on.

A group of maybe fifteen or twenty people is standing at the entrance of the village and Alex’s heart stops when he catches sight of Sasha. It’s been ten years and they both changed a lot, but there is no mistaking him. It’s Sasha, his Sasha.

The knot in Alex’s stomach is a tangle of elation and confusion, surprise and an overwhelming feeling of familiarity. He wants to call out for Sasha’s attention but the other’s eyes find him even before he can open his mouth, as if there aren’t twenty people between them.

\--- 

Sasha is quiet as they walk up to his old home and Alex still can’t speak. His heart is beating frantically and it only slows a little when Sasha grabs his elbow, just resting his hand there with no intention to push him or slow him.

They end up under the hazelnut tree, their knees knocking together. An empty glass bottle is the silent reminder of Alex’s last late night vigil. He doesn’t try to hide the bottle or himself from Sasha’s investigative looks. Sasha has always been particularly observant, excellent at making connections and drawing conclusions.

“You didn’t leave,” Sasha finally breaks the silence. His voice is still as quiet as when he was a child, but deeper than Alex remembers and it seems to cut right through the knot his insides have turned into.

“I promised that, didn’t I?” Alex hadn’t admitted it to himself for the longest time, but over all those years he had clung to his stupid vows, reciting them in his head every time he found himself underneath the tree. At first he had told himself that he stayed because he didn’t want to go, because, with Sergei gone, his father needed him to help with the business. That’s what he still tells others, but now he knows it’s all a lie.

Sasha’s face does something, an expression reminiscent of his ten-year-old self with the stern set of his jaw and the determination in his brown eyes. His hair looks redder now, much more like his mother’s had.

“I remember.”

Alex catches the movement out of the corner of his eye when Sasha turns his hand and Alex looks down to see the same pale scar he carries on his own palm. “You never promised that,” Alex says and the tone of his voice is one he only ever heard once before coming out of his mouth, tinted with betrayal.

“I didn’t,” Sasha admits, holding Alex’s gaze as if he has something to prove. “I did promise to always be there for you and I wasn’t, but you hardly expected me to, did you?”

Alex frowns. “Why would I not expect you to keep your promises?” Alex asks, a little confused and a little angry. Until the morning he came to pick Sasha up for school and found the house vacated he’d never even considered that Sasha could just not be there anymore one day.

“You cannot be that blind, Sanja,” Sasha says on a breath, as if he never considered that he might be wrong. “Or can you?” His gaze feels heavy on Alex’s face, intense and searching and Alex has no idea what for. He isn’t a quiet person, but if anyone can make him speechless, it would be Sasha. “I always thought you were pretending for my sake, but you really had no idea, did you?” Sasha bites his bottom lip and it looks like he’s holding back a smile.

Alex doesn’t feel like smiling. He feels like punching Sasha and clinging to him, crying through all the frustration he felt while Sasha was gone. “What are you talking about?” He does his best to return Sasha’s gaze, but he feels restless and can’t sit still. “I’m not stupid…” His eyes keep shifting away from Sasha’s, he feels like hiding now.

“Not stupid, Sanja, just blind. You can’t have missed the reason why everyone wanted us gone? Why they all hated my mother and me? Why they shunned you for being friends with me?” Sasha shakes his head and reaches for Alex, getting a hand on his forearm.

“It would seem that I have,” Alex says with little heat and even less resistance as Sasha pulls him forward suddenly, until Alex is slumped against him, his nose pressed into Sasha’s neck and his breath caught in his throat. He can feel the beat of Sasha’s pulse, as quick as the flapping of butterfly wings.

“Silly, silly Sanja,” Sasha whispers, lowering his chin to rest against the top of Alex’s head and Alex can feel when he swallows around nothing. “They thought mother is a witch and me too. They were scared, Sanja, of my mother. And me, I suppose.” Sasha’s fingertips brush over Alex’s hairline, down his spine to the collar of his shirt and back up again. Alex feels like he’s turning to liquid.

It makes sense and Alex does feel stupid, he could have figured that out. He should have, maybe. People had talked about it, but he had never paid attention. It had always sounded like a story, not like something people truly believed. “Because you have red hair,” he says, finally making the connection. He hasn’t forgotten that stupid fight, even after twenty years, when he can’t remember the names of half the children in his class or what used to be his favorite food when he was fourteen.

“Devil child,” Sasha agrees, a soft chuckle that brushes over the short hair on Alex’s head. “But my hair isn’t red.” He raises his head again and his finger finds the scar on the back of Alex’s head, a memento of the last time they talked about the color of Sasha’s hair.

“That’s all you have to say? Your hair isn’t red?” Alex struggles a little but settles again when Sasha’s hold on him tightens. He was never good at resisting Sasha.

“I don’t want to lie to you,” Sasha replies. His fingertips dig into the flesh of Alex’s back, tracing along his spine.

“It’s true, then? Marya is a witch?” Alex voice is a little muffled by Sasha’s skin.

“That’s what you care about?” The heartbeat beneath Alex’s hand on Sasha’s chest slows a little. “She is, but not in the way they always thought. She doesn’t conspire with the devil or fly on a broom. I was always disappointed that it doesn’t work.”

Alex is laughing, his shoulders shaking and his lips parted. He feels relieved and less surprised than he should. “Is that why it always helped when you kissed things better?”

Sasha hums his approval and presses his lips to Alex’s temple. It’s the most content Alex has felt since Sasha left him.

\--- 

Alex wakes up to Sasha’s breath against the back of his neck and Sasha’s arm around his naked waist. The sun is barely up, light streaming through the small windows of his room and casting purple shadows on the floorboards, but he feels awake. For the first time in so long he’s not restless but rested.

“Sanja?” Sasha asks quietly, his nose pressing against Alex’s spine. His voice is soft, a little hoarse from sleep and so different from the little boy Alex first met.

“Yes?” Alex arches his back, presses closer into the heat radiating off Sasha’s body. It’s a closeness Alex hasn’t enjoyed with anyone since Sasha left.

“Nothing,” Sasha replies, a little too belated to be anything but a lie.

They stay silent for a little while, Alex with his eyes focused on the window and Sasha wrapped around him.

“Will you stay?” Alex asks. He needs to know.

“No,” Sasha replies clearly. “I can’t stay.”

“Why are you here then?” Alex asks, trying not to let the disappointment show in his voice. His chest feels like it’s suddenly filled with ice, although he knew the answer before he even asked the question.

“I’m here for you,” Sasha replies, as if he’s been waiting for the opportunity to say exactly that. “I want you to come with me.” There is no hint in Sasha’s voice that shows he’s aware of the selfishness of his request. It would have surprised Alex if there had been. Sasha has always been selfish.

“Come with you?” Alex all but chokes out, full of a desperation he hasn’t known before.

“I came here to ask you to come with me. I made a life in the capital and there’s room for you.” He pulls Alex closer so their bodies are lined up, shoulders to knees and his lips are next to Alex’s ear, and adds in a whisper: “I made sure there is.”

And suddenly it all stops sounding selfish and impossible, and Alex breathes out a _yes_ as if it’s being dragged out of him.

The word hangs in the air for a while like an oath and Alex has to smile when Sasha takes his hand and brushes his thumb across the scar on the inside of Alex’s palm, sending a shiver through his whole body.

**Author's Note:**

> Since Alex didn't (consciously) know for the largest part of the story I felt it was my right as the author to withhold information on Sasha's magic. Let's consider it a stylistic device. Or something.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed reading this.


End file.
